Subject: NZ to be disbanded: PM claims nobody’s using it anyway
Auckland, Tuesday: Following the succesful disbanding of the armed forces the Prime Minister of New Zealand, Helen Clark, has unveiled a new bold plan to totally disband the entire nation . In a statement
to the Worlds PressPrime Minister Clark suggested that reports that their armed forces had beenforced to say ‘bang, bang’ during war exercises had been the final nail for theonce-almost-proud nation.
‘For years now we’ve been doing nothing of value . All our really profitable industries have gone overseas . Music, kiwifruit, Russell Crowe. After that its basically just a bunch of sheep and
a once proud rugby team. Even the Cricketers are poor by world standards” Clarke said.
Clarke went on to outline the timetable for disbanding the nation following the sale sale of the Navy’s two dinghies and after the Army gives its shotgun back to the British.
In a sometimes emotional presentation Ms Clarke outlined the difficulties facing the former country. “Every nation but , as it’s problems but, as the leader, you can always look at some other loser nation
and say they’re worse off than us. We finally realsied that we could no longer do that.”
The final nail in the coffin came last Monday when the New Zealand Treasury tabled a report that found that Adam Gilchrist’s new contact with the Austrailian Cricket Board had him earning more than the entire New
Zealand GDP.
“When that hit us we realised that the ship was pretty much Gunwale deep in sediment and it was time to turn off the bilge pumps and move to a real country”, a Treasury spokesman said.
All industry and businesses are expected to have left the Archipelago by the end of June and all responsibilites will cease at the first of July.
Any farmers wishing to remain will do so on a purely subsistence basis with the possibility of a feaudal system developing by the end of September. The All Blacks will maintain a training facility near
Otago until the end of August after which which time New Zealand in all it’s forms and pursuits will cease to exist.
When asked how the loss of the entire nation of New Zealand will affect the Pacific region, a world band spokesman called for an atlas.
anon.Ritters
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